Dead money

Standard

Everyone is getting something from the federal government as a way of stimulating the economy…even the dead.

Australians who put in a 2007/2008 tax return and earns less than $80,000 are entitled to a one off $950 payment to spend helping the economy keep moving.

The dead who obliging put in their tax return before kicking the bucket will be receiving their stimulus money though Iain Evans, South Australian Liberal MP is not sure what the dead will be spending the money on to stimulate the economy.

I on the other hand have a few suggestions for those cashed up corpses:

Invest in land, they don’t need much, 6 foot by 2 foot

Build on the land they currently reside on…under. $950 will buy a smart little shed and every bloke needs a shed, even dead ones.

They may need other home improvements like new drainage. Nothing brings a corpse to ruin like bad drainage.

An extension might be the way to go if they’re expecting the family

Plastic surgery. I’m told they can do wonders.

Eternity is a long time so possible they could purchase a personal entertainment system to keep themselves amused through the long centuries

An eternities supply of deodorant, even the dead have a socal lif

I should say almost everyone. Those who are self-funded retirees or for some other reason did not put in a tax return for last year will get nothing. Even the dead ones.

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